I’m Richard Nixon, and I Demand a Third Term

I, Richard Milhous Nixon, have just realized that I made a terrible mistake in 1974.

Yes, I know, that was a long time ago, and I’m technically dead. Never mind the heat here, the wifi is great. Took me a little while getting used to this new-fangled internet thing, but I’ve learned so much that I now realize my greatest error: I never should have resigned after only one scandal!

In 1974, I was forced to resign after a small misunderstanding about a burglary at the Watergate building that I knew nothing about. Okay, a tape that…