I’m Covid-19, and Trump is a Hoax Who Will Miraculously Go Away After November 3

Hey, Covid-19 here, and I gotta set the record straight: Donald J. Trump, formerly my biggest supporter, is lying when he says he has me. Do you know why?

Because Trump is a hoax invented by Influenza to make me look bad! He’s not real! Influenza is just jealous because of how much I keep WINNING. I’ve been winning so much, I’m getting sick of it! JK! I’ve been told my puns make people sick, too. Can I get a drum roll? No? Well, anyway….

Not only is Trump a hoax, but I have it on good authority that he will miraculously go away after November 3. The cold, you know. Men with tiny hands fear it, trust me. :)

But don’t worry, I hear there’s this new thing called “Herd Immunity” that will totally cure the Trump problem without some scary vaccine emitted from 5G towers.

How do you know if you have herd immunity? There’s a very simple test. If you’ve ever been exposed to a Trump speech, and you can still discern reality from the delusional ravings of a broke billionaire, congratulations, you have herd immunity!

P.S. Please wear your masks. It’s not fun playing this game in easy mode!